Views on Relationship/Marriage shared by a student Rahul

Part - 1 - Story of Śvetaketu


In ancient times, human relationships were unstructured, and there was no concept of marriage or exclusivity. Men and women formed connections freely, driven by mutual consent and natural desires. Children were born without the notion of fatherhood or responsibility tied to one individual, and the community collectively raised them.


Śvetaketu, the son of the sage Uddalaka, lived in this era. One day, he witnessed an unsettling event: another man approached his mother with an expectation of intimacy, which she did not refuse due to the customs of the time. This deeply disturbed Śvetaketu. Seeking an explanation, he confronted his father.


Uddalaka explained, "In this world, all are free. No one belongs to anyone; there is no bondage."


But Śvetaketu found this freedom imbalanced. He felt it led to instability in relationships and confusion in parenting. He argued that there should be a structure where love and loyalty were honored, and a child could know their parents.


Śvetaketu proposed the system of marriage, advocating fidelity and clear roles in relationships. From that day forward, society adopted the marriage system, bringing order and stability but also curbing absolute freedom.

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Pre-Śvetaketu World


Before Śvetaketu, the world was a tapestry of boundless individuality and freedom. People lived by their unique rhythms, unhindered by societal norms. Each person was encouraged to discover their soul’s purpose—be it art, exploration, nurturing life, or spiritual growth.


Relationships were fluid and consensual, based on mutual respect and connection. The idea of "ownership" in partnerships did not exist. Instead of enforcing exclusivity, bonds were celebrated for as long as they were meaningful.


Parenting was a communal effort. Children were seen as the collective responsibility of society, with mentors, elders, and caregivers ensuring their growth and education. This system allowed individuals to maintain their independence while contributing to the upbringing of the next generation.


This era was characterized by:


Unrestricted exploration: People were free to explore relationships, knowledge, and their inner potential.


Soul-driven living: Every individual focused on fulfilling their unique purpose without societal interference.


Collective nurturing: The community as a whole supported children, fostering diversity and shared values.


This harmonious balance of freedom and purpose enabled people to thrive both as individuals and as a collective.


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The Need for Pre-Śvetaketu Principles Today


In the modern world, the rigidity of societal norms often suppresses individuality. Many couples struggle to balance their personal growth with shared responsibilities, leading to dissatisfaction and loss of identity. Revisiting the principles of the pre-Śvetaketu era can provide a new framework for harmonious living:


1. Customized Relationships: Couples could define their own rules, choosing the level of exclusivity, freedom, and shared responsibilities they desire. This would remove the one-size-fits-all approach of modern relationships.


2. Parenting Partnerships: Raising children can be a shared priority, not confined to a single pair of parents. Communities or chosen families could co-parent, ensuring children receive diverse perspectives and support while parents maintain individuality.


3. Soulful Autonomy: Each person should have the space to pursue their soul’s purpose, whether it’s creative expression, career growth, or spiritual exploration, without guilt or societal pressure.


4. Freedom with Accountability: Just as in the pre-Śvetaketu era, freedom should coexist with responsibility. Commitments would be honored, not imposed, creating bonds of trust and respect.


This system would allow couples to retain their individuality while prioritizing the growth and well-being of their children. It would bring balance to modern relationships, blending freedom, purpose, and shared responsibilities.


Kunti's reflection resonates deeply: "We need a world where partnerships enhance, not constrain. Where individuality flourishes alongside connection. Let us honor Śvetaketu's wisdom while remembering the freedom that came before it."


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Part - 2 - Challenging the meaning of Marriage


A story from Rabindranath Tagore's novel "Shesher Kabita" (The Last Poem), published in 1929, challenges the view towards Love and Marriage:


In the story, a girl accepts a boy's proposal for marriage with a profound declaration of love and freedom:


She says, "Yes, I accept. But we will not live together. We will live across the lake, in separate houses. You will not force me to meet you, and I will not force you to meet me. If you want to see me, send an invitation. If I feel like meeting you, I will come. If I invite you, and you want to come, you may. This way, our love will remain free, untouched by any compulsion or obligation."


This response challenges the conventional notions of love and marriage, prioritizing individuality, consent, and mutual respect over societal expectations.


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Reimagining This Bold Vision in the Modern Era


In today’s world, where traditional relationships are evolving, this story offers a radical yet relevant approach to love and partnerships. Here's how we could embody these principles in the modern era:


1. Living Apart Together (LAT):

Couples could choose to maintain separate homes or spaces while being in a committed relationship. This arrangement supports individuality and personal growth while allowing partners to nurture their bond intentionally.


2. Consent-Based Connection:

Instead of defaulting to routine interactions, couples could embrace consent-driven communication. For example, scheduling time together only when both truly desire it, rather than out of habit or obligation.


3. Open Communication Systems:

Much like sending an invitation across the lake, modern couples could adopt respectful ways to communicate their needs and desires without assuming the other's availability or interest. Technology, such as shared calendars or personalized messages, could facilitate this in a thoughtful manner.


4. Freedom to Pursue Individuality:

In a reimagined relationship, partners would have the freedom to pursue their own goals, passions, and friendships without fear of jealousy or judgment. This approach aligns with the idea that love grows stronger when individuals feel complete in themselves.


5. A Bold Cultural Shift:

Breaking Stigma: Normalize relationships that don’t conform to traditional living arrangements or expectations.

Rethinking Marriage: Redefine marriage as a partnership of choice and freedom, rather than one of possession and control.


6. Parenting in Freedom:

If such a couple chooses to have children, they could embrace co-parenting structures where individuality remains intact. Shared parenting responsibilities could be balanced with personal time, supported by a broader community or chosen family.


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Vision for a Modern Era of Love and Freedom


Imagine a world where love is not defined by proximity but by connection. A world where relationships are based on invitation, not expectation; on freedom, not obligation.


Such an approach might seem unconventional, even radical, but it offers a path for deeper, more authentic relationships. It encourages people to cherish their individuality while embracing the joy of a connection free from societal constructs.


As Osho beautifully put it, "Love is not about clinging; it’s about creating space where freedom and intimacy coexist." This reimagined model could pave the way for a new era of relationships, celebrating both independence and togetherness.

Thanks and Regards

Rahul

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Interesting read. Thanks for sharing your views.